"italian for beginners" by lone scherfig, 2000: grade a-

in high school, my most crippling crush was on the danish exchange student who sat behind me in homeroom sophomore year. she was gorgeous with full lips, ice-blond hair, sparkling-blue too-knowing eyes, and long tanned legs that had the finest dusting of short golden hairs she had no need to ever shave. she was exquisite and she terrified me utterly.

it killed me how ruthlessly she would flirt with me and tease me and i never wanted her to stop. all year, she would pick the perfect moments to run her finger over the back of my ear or nudge my lower back with her wriggling naked toes to get my attention and make me jump. and then, while i was flummoxed and embarrassed at my shyness, she would smirk and most often ask me if i were sure that i wasn't greek or italian. of course it would have made absolutely no difference to my inexperienced and petrified fifteen-and-sixteen-year-old self had i known then that in denmark in the '80s and '90s being italian or greek possessed the caché of being the quintessence of sexual appeal.

the fact and confession of my crush on the sparkling dane of my youth has little to do with the charming film, "italian for beginners," by danish director lone scherfig, except in the lessening yet still extant lack of understanding i hold for scandinavian sexual expression. it seems to me that in many scandinavian films sexual interest is barely acknowledged by flirtation or interaction before characters suddenly erupt in full-bore on-screen congress. the level of recognition of micro-expressions necessary to be able to predict the imminence of such coupling escapes me. (whether this is indicative of why i was never a very good pick-up artist, is neither here nor there, by the way.) but in "italian for beginners," as in other scandinavian films i have seen, there is not much build-up before one particular couple is having sex. (where is the foreplay? and what?! do three almost haircuts count as a three-date minimum?)

my personal confusion over scandinavian sexual expression aside, what i found most compelling in the story was the relative inability and sometimes abject refusal of the characters in the film to express their true feelings in words. the plot follows three men and three women in their navigation of various stages of love while also experiencing and recovering from great loss. in fact, loss and the fear of it are a consistent theme running throughout the entire course of the film and its characters' lives.

andreas (anders w. berthelsen) is a young, recently-widowered pastor, assigned to take the reins of a church after the former pastor pushed the organist out of the organ loft. he meets jørgen (peter gantzler), the assistant manager of a hotel-stadium-restaurant complex where andreas' has a room during his adjustment and transition into the pastorship of the church. jørgen's best-friend is hal-finn (lars kaalund), a short-tempered former soccer player who manages the stadium restaurant in the complex. giulia (sara indrio jensen) is an italian waitress who works with hal-finn and shares a mutually unexpressed love with jørgen. in fact, it is this self-suppressed love for giulia that leads jørgen to take an italian course with hal-finn at the local community center. this italian class that lends the film its name is the construct around which the characters circle tighter and ultimately connect.

other central characters are hairdresser karen (ann eleonora jørgensen) and bakery-worker olympia (annette støvelbaek); and their own relationship, which forms as a result of the interactions within the story, becomes the catalyzing force to the resolution of all the characters' own issues of loss and love.

the proverbial capital city of romance, venice, itself is the final locale for the film as the class travels there. and in that old city of gondolas and bridges, pleasantly predictably, as the characters have begun to express themselves in the supposed language of love, they also begin to learn more about love themselves.

stylistically, this film falls into the dogma movement in filmmaking pioneered and defined by danish director lars von trier in 1995. like all films of that movement, it is shot entirely on location on video with only natural sound. this should not deter anyone from viewing it. like any low-budget, indie film (think nodance, not sundance), its strength is in its story and characters rather than in any conceits of cinematography and lighting or special effects. and the bareness of the eye-level video without a thrilling soundtrack lends itself to this quiet story about the difficulties in expressing matters of the heart, whether in a foreign language or not.

9 years... i haven't seen him in 9 years

my father died 9 years ago, monday. i didn't even acknowledge it that day. weird. i haven't heard his voice in 9 years, but i can still hear him.

i miss you, pop.

hush (for l.d.e.)

eyes closed, i see the hills
run away bright and green,
rolling off in round waves
to meet the slate grey roil
above the line of jagged trees.

ears bracing as the strobes increase,
sky ripping in stuttering blasts
like pianos falling into crashing surf,
amid the pouring of boxes of nails, i can
hear the chain squeak softly with our breaths.

pulled close on the porch swing,
wool blanket wrapped around cool skin,
a veil of mist on my face, i inhale
rain, wet grass, and clean hair
and i know we are safe.

missing miss

miss
missing
i am
missing
this
miss
missing

this
missing
miss
i'm missing
is
the miss
i wish
i'd kissed
before
this missing
miss
was missed
(could she
have been
my kissing miss?)

gone away
from all of this
these thoughts
of kissing
and of missing
is she aware
of all this missing
this miss
missing?

one down, three to go

today, i went to the first of four weddings i'll be attending this summer. it was small and intimate (and stuffy on this more than 80º day!). and even though i felt fat, old and bald (the trifecta, mind you) among the assembled friends, i had a surprisingly good time.

as i mentioned, there are three more weddings between now and labor day for me to attend, and they will all be different. the next one will be at a local park in the gazebo in two weeks. i helped that couple move things into their new house this morning.

the following one will be two weeks later again, the last weekend in june. that couple met in an unconventional way (though no longer especially uncommon these days): through the internet. in fact, their match inspired me to pursue the possibility myself again – i had joined a site a few years back, and was not convinced it was a very good way to meet a godly spouse. that has changed, but now again – after trying another site with no real success, although many supposed matches to no avail – i am convinced it is not likely to be the way i will meet my spouse. but that's me, and they are them. i'm sure they will be very happy.

and the last wedding of the summer will be on nagasaki day. i hope that doesn't bode ill for them. in their defense, i'm sure they have no idea. i for one am not telling them. that would cast a pall over their wedding.

and you better not tell them either.